The world is full of ‘isms’, or is that just a truism? Socialism is that you have two cows and give one to your neighbour. Communism is that the State takes both cows and gives you some milk. With Nazism, if you’re not a Nazi, the State takes both cows and shoots you, and Surrealism means you have two giraffes and the State pays for your harmonica lessons.
This all seems pretty loony. But remember that we live in the 21st Century, where – despite the fact that the planet has been cooling for the last 11 years – “global warming” is the new religion and scientists who object (thousands of them) are jostled in the University canteen, though not all at the same time. Quite right too. Heretics should be jostled.
The EU was feeling a bit left out in the “knitting with only one needle” stakes, so they recently issued a booklet to all MEPs and staff, banning the use of “Miss” and “Mrs” as sexist. Also outlawed are “Madame”, “Mademoiselle”, “Frau”, “Fraulein”, “Senora” and “Senorita”.
“Sportsmen” and “statesmen” are also outlawed, along with “man-made”, which should be “artificial” or “synthetic”. And please remember that you are paying for this at the cost of £40-million a day.
Ahem. Back to reality and cows: In a French Corporation you have two cows but want three, so you riot and block the roads until the government agrees. In a British Corporation you have two cows but both are mad. In an Italian Corporation you have two cows but don’t know where they are, so you go to lunch. In a Swiss Corporation you have 5,000 cows hidden underground but none of them belong to you, and in an Iraqi Corporation you have no cows but everyone thinks you’re lying so they bomb the bejeebers out of you until they realise their mistake. That’s enough cows for now.